


The Darkest Places

by howelllesters



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M, Phan - Freeform, Phan Angst, Phan Fluff, Realism, Seven Deadly Sins, Seven Heavenly Virtues, basically phan through the ages, happy phanniversary yo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-19
Updated: 2016-10-19
Packaged: 2018-08-23 11:49:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8326753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/howelllesters/pseuds/howelllesters
Summary: ‘The darkest places in hell are reserved for those who maintain their neutrality in times of moral crisis.’ 7 years, 7 sins, 7 virtues. 100 words for each. happy phanniversary!





	

_pride_

The time we first met, my lack of confidence was my undoing. I was loud and you were quiet, and I was rough and you were gentle, and I was boastful, treated you like a prize I’d finally won, and you were hurt. On that same day we had our first meeting, first argument, first kiss. Tears staining the cheeks we’d turned red from laughing so hard, and the day didn’t start how we imagined it, but it ended the way we had, our legs tangled and my uncertain kisses against your chest, your whispers telling me it’d be okay.

_envy_

The time you hung up on me as I sobbed down the phone to you was the moment I about stopped breathing. It took me a moment to remember how to restart. The time I wanted so badly to be a part of your life, to _have_ your life, your perfect, carefree life, so I said unforgivable things to you that you eventually forgave anyway. I lost sight of what I had and what was fair and what I loved, until the shock brought everything back into focus, made it crystal clear. There were no tears next time you called.

_gluttony_

The time we wanted it all, and we thought we could have it too. Two kids riding high on adrenaline and little else, hoping the rollercoaster would never end. No plans, no cares, just one hand in another, our imaginations running faster than our legs could carry them, an energy that had to run out sooner or later. But harsh realities and bitter truths sank in, and we were back to sitting on the kitchen floor together. Back to the start, square one, just two kids with a dream and no idea how to get there. Back to baby steps.

_lust_

The time I wanted you, and I did not need you, but I asked for you anyway. The night you agreed all too willingly. A night we would both regret, will always regret, the type of night we used to spend in love but instead spent in shame. Your nails left marks on my skin and my lips left bruises on your neck. It was not pretty, it was not needed; it was a cry for help we shared in the saddest of ways. That next day promise of ‘never again’ for a future we weren’t sure we even had.

_anger_

The time I screamed at you to get out of my house, my life, and you did. You left, and you stayed away for three days. I spent two and a half of those still shouting at you, shouting at empty hallways and closed doors, until I snapped. It wasn’t the first time I screamed at you, and it wouldn’t be the last, because it’s the wound I inflicted on us will take the longest to heal. Because it was ( _is_ ) our house, and my life is made infinitely better by your presence, but I was momentarily blinded to that.

_greed_

The time we wanted different things and tried to acquire them both, like when we tried to conquer the world and did so at a terrible cost. Strained relationships, tired eyes, throwaway comments that would sting for too long. When we had all we wanted by day, but I didn’t have you in my arms by night, and I had so much more than I had ever had, but without you it was so much less. Mumbled apologies, broken voices, the acknowledgement that compromises had to be made somewhere, but the one thing I could not compromise on was _you_.

_sloth_

The time we hadn’t spoken to each other in five days, and were only reminded of our complacency when we were surprised to find the other wandering around the house we share. The uncomfortable realisation that we were surprised at all. A nervous, high-pitched laugh, a scratch of the head, and then stuttered apologies tumbling out of our lips, saying we had never had the nerve to take advantage of the relationship we had spent seven years building, strengthening. A promise to try harder, to pay more attention, to retrace our steps and work harder at falling in love again.

—

_humility_

The time we opened a front door we hadn’t seen in too many months, and you cried because it still looked and smelled like _home_. The party we blew off that night to lie quietly on the dusty sofa together, forgetting the last few months where we’d taken on the world, the many battles it had to offer, and won, in favour of reminding ourselves of the intricacies of each other’s bodies. Hours spent on the sofa together, you softly tracing patterns with no meaning across my skin, and finding contentment in being in love again, no more, no less.

_kindness_

The time we realised we’d come full circle, and were separate entities once again, even as we made plans to build an empire on the strength of our partnership. The opportunities afforded to one of us and not the other, the idea that our successes and our failures no longer depended on each other, were no longer defined by each other. One of us could rise while the other fell, and that felt normal. And feeling only excitement at that. Excitement, and pure joy, and congratulations that did not need to be spoken upon taking one glance at your expression.

_abstinence_

The time we said no, the first time we said no, and your hand shook in mine as you told the person on the other end of the phone that we were finally refusing something. The time we realised that our new flat was cold and empty, our relationship not far behind. Your cheeks were hollow and my skin was pale, and I asked if we could stop trying to have everything as I wiped your tears away once more. There was only so much of a price I was willing for us to pay to win over the world.

_chastity_

The time we locked eyes on a lonely night, a sliver of moonlight across the carpet of the bedroom we once shared illustrating the divide between us. Your eyes were alight, and I was certain mine were burning too, and for a moment how I longed for us to tumble back onto the bed together and lose our senses for a night, but we didn’t. We shared a sad smile, and the next day we shared another, and somehow that became the catalyst for a conversation long overdue, words we had been saving for a moment just like this one.

_patience_

The time I tested how far I could push you, and found there was no limit. When you met everything I had to throw at you with an even voice and a kind expression, until my attack was weak, my defences broken down, until I was a mess in your arms that you held as if I were still the only person that mattered, as if I had done, and could do, no wrong. The time you had every right to throw me out of your house, but instead cleared a drawer and proclaimed it _our_ house, for now, forever.

_liberality_

The time I asked so much of you, far more of you than I ever deserved, and you gave it to me anyway. A boy was who so very lost in the world clung to you like you were the only thing keeping him going, and years later I will admit to you that you were. You will confess that you knew, and you would have done it a thousand times over for that same boy, because he was the only thing keeping you going too. Anything I needed, you gave me without pause; your faith, your trust, your heart.

_diligence_

The time you kissed my forehead sweetly as encouragement, hesitant but definite with your movements. I was ready to give it all up already, because working seemed such a dull way to spend my precious time with you. We could be laughing at your bad jokes, or talking until the early hours to learn more about each other, but instead you were dragging me out of bed to face a camera, sharpie fumes a harsh wake-up call from that afternoon nap we took together, promising that we really could go places someday if we worked at it, worked at us.

**Author's Note:**

> i owe my incredible beta, @oftenoverlaps on twitter, absolutely everything right now. title idea credit, yup. keeping this thing to its strict wordcount i enforced for no good reason, yup. essentially ensuring my sanity stayed in check, yup.


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